The How's and the Why's

Posted on Wed Jul 5th, 2017 @ 9:38pm by Lieutenant Valeria Mordin & Captain Elijah Michaels & Commander Bertrand Cuprum

Mission: Awakening
Location: Captain's Ready Room

To be direct, Valeria was angry.

It was odd for a Ts'usugi to directly show their emotions, and in her current fuming state even a novice telepath might pick a reading up off of her. Though anyone with eyes in their head could read that the rabbitess had a little something on her mind, and wanted to give someone a piece of it. Far from foot stamps and grumpy faces, just her entire body language read as miffed. She made her way to the Captain's Ready Room door, and took a breath. Hold... Hold... Hold... release, and then she rang the announce chime.

"Enter." Elijah said as he looked towards the door. Not expecting any visitors.

The door swished open and Valeria was in the room almost fast enough to risk hitting her shoulders on the door. Once she was inside, once she was within the arena for releasing her anger, she took a breath and...

"Sir, I trust the briefing was to the satisfaction?" there was a floodgate that was built very quickly. No matter how angry she was, no matter how infuriated she might be, this was a figure of authority. The Ts'usugi within her demanded that he be shown every respect.

"It was yes." The Captain commented as he noted the posture and demeanour of the Science Officer. "Something tells me that you didn't come here for a graded appraisal of your briefing."

She paused, and hung her head down, "Correct, but the words I'd need to use are ill fitting for a Captain to hear. We... the Ts'usugi don't have a parallel for speaking freely to their higher officers nevermind the Captain." she paused, "So it's very uncomfortable for me to ask but... Permission to freely speak, sir?"

"Permissions granted." Elijah said as he motioned towards the vacant seat opposite him. "Take a seat."

It was then that Valeria realized that she really didn't have the words to express her feelings AND the capacity to voice them to a figure of authority. For her entire life, figures of authority were to be given respect beyond measure. Could she really just express herself freely in front of one?

"I grow tired of having my loyalty constantly questioned. First by Commander Bertrand, then again in front of everyone by Lieutenant Kilbane. Nevermind that I was practically ordered to perform a briefing about my own people... Who I apparently am not allowed to show a connection to... wherein Commander Bertrand all but tells the senior crew how to cripple a Ts'usugi and then has the audacity to claim that it's in the venue of patching a hole in our defenses. Covering our flank is not the same as shattering every bone in our skulls. Their skulls. My skull... I'm not even allowed to use the wrong pronoun because now my loyalty to grammar is being called into question." she started.

"What I told the crew at that briefing will no doubt be sent across the cosmos to every Federation starbase, starport, seaport, airport, outpost, and outhouse... sharing the ways to overcome the defenses and tactics of *my* people..." there was a little pride there, "...and ensuring that the next time the Ts'usugi and the Federation meet there's a decided advantage rather than a level playing field but MY loyalties are in question."

"I'm apparently not allowed to show pride in the race that I was born into, not allowed to withhold anything not mission critical despite handing military secrets over, though the fact that I didn't show up with the full totality of Ts'usu's military technology and the name and location of the current Emperor meant I was holding back. Find me a race that divulges everything, moment one, and I'll show you a race of fools and dreamers!"

After that tirade, she paused and collected herself. She fixed her hair, she fixed her stance... she only just now realized that she completely disregarded the Captain's offer to sit. Which, upon collecting herself, she took the offer and sat. "My apologies sir. You can only yell at a wall for so long."

Elijah was the composed picture of deadpan he had grown to be over the last couple of years since he took command of Victory. "Miss Mordin if you were yelling at Bulkheads then I'd have to submit you for psychological evaluations." He tried to make a joke to ease the air. "Alright, cards on the table now Lieutenant, you are more than freely allowed to speak your mind within realms of this ship, much like you did when I called for us to abandon Ship against the Jennarri and also when I participated in the manhunt for Admiral Gates."

Elijah took a sip from his cup and then sat back. "In defense of yourself I can see why you are angry and hurt in some way." He said calmly to her. "But in defense of the XO and the Security Chief they are merely covering all revenues of safety on this Ship, your loyalty is not in question so to speak but rather to provide an unbiased and unique view of your own species in a way none of us could imagine."

She gave a smirk, which from her was as much as a beaming smile from anyone else. "If the bulkheads begin to deliver results, sir, I'll check myself in." she paused, to let the moment linger, "With respects sir, when you called for us to abandon the Victory we hadn't yet expended all possible options as far as I could see them. To me it felt more like you were giving up, and where I'm from captains don't give up. Cultural displacement." she offered before continuing, "It's hard to distance myself from my people. I've been one my whole life, after all. Asking Commander Bertrand to give a tactical assessment of his people without showing a gram of pride would be unfair to him. Asking you how to defeat the Victory without showing offense would be just as unfair. The largest concern on the matter of the Ts'usugi joining with the Federation is will we lose our sense of self. Will we stop being who we are and become some ... mish-mash... of everything else?"

"Did humanity stop feeling pride in their people when they joined?" she asked, but it was more rhetorical. "I understand well where they are coming from. I do. It just felt more like a trial than a briefing, and I fear that the splendor of meeting my people and the Dalacari may have been lost in favor of tactical superiority."

"And I understand their need to be constantly assessing the situation. Constantly looking for threats, looking for ways to win a war we aren't fighting. Constant war game scenarios, constant checks and balances I understand that. What I don't understand is why they felt to challenge my loyalty. It's like every other word out of their mouths is loyalty. Honor this, oaths that..." she started to actually gesture with her words she was so caught up, "...but then they all but force me to choose who I'm more devout to: The symbol on my breast or the heart that beats beneath it."

"So either way, my loyalties are in jeopardy, all to appease. To make someone feel right, some perverse satisfaction at making me put everything on display and then scowling when I don't disclose how to cripple my brothers."

The Captain nodded. "Excuse me one moment." He said with a glance to his desk. "Number One will you report to my Ready Room?"

=^= On my way =^=

A moment later the door opened and Bertrand entered. He actually physically stopped when he took in Valeria. Her culture's physiology meant they did not usually project readable emotions, but Val was so worked up that he could read her and that was a bit of a shock.

"I... take it something is up?" he ventured, taking in the bristling Rabbitess and the stoic captain.

Valeria took the time between the call and the appearance of Commander Bertrand to try to compose herself, and found herself unable to do so to her satisfaction. Truth be told, sometimes letting go like this felt good. It felt right, like long-overdue therapy. She took a breath, and then another, and then found the words to address Commander Bertrand. After all, she had the Captain's permission to speak, but to just turn that to Bertrand would be unforgivable.

"I've come to air my grievances concerning the assaults on my loyalty to the Federation despite the wealth of information, both socially and military, provided to this crew. I find their basis unfounded. I have provided all I was asked of, and more. I stood before my crewmates and both listened and spoke of how to overcome their tactics, how to cripple their crew, and did so with what no small amount of ego will call a modicum of dignity."

"I listened as my pride in my own people was questioned. How I was expected to abandon the pride and love of the people I was born into." despite having tried to calm down just moments ago, that fire was building up again. Though she was doing a remarkable job of holding it back to semi-polite conversation. She had the captain's blessing to speak her mind, she did not have Bertrand's.

"I was expected to choose one aspect and utterly discard the other. I find such attacks pointless and unbecoming, sir." she paused, "If it takes absolutes to be a part of the Federation, if it takes utter abandonment of who we are, then perhaps we shouldn't be."

Elijah couldn't help but admire the Science Officer, she had guts and she had brains to know what was fair and unfair. "I think it's only fair that both sides speak on the matter."

Valeria gave a nod. "As a scientist, and as a daughter, it's only fair to let both sides speak. You're quite right sir."

Bertrand blinked twice, "I am a little confused. Is there something in your personnel file to say you are beyond reproach and cannot be challenged? If there is I'll admit I missed it."

"Every other member of this crew has had their allegiance questioned. When we went to the installation that did not exist. When we chased down Gates. The crew who transferred from the USS Cosmos. Even when you stood on the bridge watching the space station crash to the ground. It has always been the same question; are you dedicated to the beliefs of the Federation above your own personal moral code and allegiances."

"If you are upset that your allegiance has been questioned, then I am sorry you feel that, but the fact that you are still conflicted makes the question still a valid one."

"At this point the Ts'usugi and the Federation are allied. There was a time when the Federation and the Cardassians were allied against the Klingons, and the Klingons and Romulans against the Federation, and the Federation, Romulans, Klingons and Cardassians against the Dominion. Politics change. Alliances shift. If we were about to go into conflict with Earth, I would be asking our human crew where their alliances lay, including the Captain here. Any good Tactical or Security Chief would do the same."

Bertrand held up a hand, "I will also point out that I asked you privately to make a decision and let myself and the Captain know what that decision was. You have not yet done so. As far as I am aware, you have not made a decision on where your primary loyalties lie. And that can cost lives."

"So if it is the choice between sacrificing one crewman's sense of honour, or the lives of many crew, I will ask the questions that need to be asked. Are you loyal first to the Federation or the Ts'usugi?"

Valeria was quiet as she let Bertrand speak. Where others would burst in and comment, defend, or argue she simply listened to his side of things. Perhaps the best indicator of this was at some point in his discussion he stopped getting any form of empathic read off of her.

"I will admit, some of the situations you cited didn't exactly sound similar to my situation here until you mentioned them. When the crew split to chase the Admiral, I didn't feel it as high treason. Not like some did." she said, her tone the more calm and collected as usual. Whatever fires raged a minute ago had either been quelled, or she was well adept at holding back.

"It's a bit of a comfort to know that it's a matter of course that this even happened. That were it any other species you'd be questioning any other crew member. I see the truth behind your terms." she considered for a moment, "The mindset of isolation, when shown the larger way of the world." she mused almost to herself.

"I thought you felt me a spy. Now I see the reason. So to answer your question, though my heart is Ts'usu my loyalty is here."

Bertrand nodded, "Then the matter is settled. You have the trust and support of the Captain and myself, regardless of what others may say."

The rabbitess turned back to Elijah, and gave a bow of her head deep enough to hide her face, "I apologize. I misinterpreted the situation as a hunt."

"By the same token," Bertrand continued, "Thanks you for bringing the issue to our attention. Is there anyone in particular who is continuing to challenge you?"

"No. At least not openly. Anyone who would have challenged were probably satisfied with what they saw from yourself and Mister Kilbane. I'll keep a sharp eye out until this is all over and behind us." she ventured, then stood, "Thank you both for giving this the attention it needed, and letting a farmer's daughter know that it was tactical courtesy rather then anything else. There are a few people I still need to speak with, and I imagine there may be some people who still wish to speak with me."

"We're several hours out still from our target. Permission to be dismissed sirs?"

"Granted." Elijah commented. "We have plans to make and teams to organize."